When is an assault not an assault?

When it's a boy groping a girl's tits in class and then saying "she doesn't mind". The girl looked quite upset but when I spoke to her said she didn't want me to report it as an assault. So I reported it and her being disrupted and her learning harmed by this intrusion on her personal space. When the same boy tried to snatch the report from my hand as I was writing it, and then try to prise my fingers from the card and tell me that I should give him good grades for the lesson (even though he had done no work, failed to follow instructions and disturbed the rest of the class) I wrote that incident report up as an assault.

Do I expect anything to come from this? No.

Why not? Because the boy is from Afghanistan and the whole school bows down to the need to go gently on those kids. So they get away with whatever they feel like doing and think they can continue to do so. One day they will do something outside school and get their head kicked in by some aggrieved boyfriend or husband, who will no doubt be accused of making a racially motivated attack. We are doing these kids no favours by continually making allowances. It's a tough old world outside the school walls and they have to learn how to deal with it without getting slaughtered, and that means a bit more integration and a lot fewer kid gloves.

Date posted: 31 Mar 2009

New Seasons

Yep. Tonight we had our first bbq of the year at home. It will probably be the last one for a while since we used up the last of the charcoal and it'll be Easter likely before the shops have any in. That's what'll replace the Easter eggs on the shelves (the Easter eggs replaced the Christmas stuff) I expect. Then as soon as the BBQ stuff is gone we'll be having Halloween stuff and then Christmas again. These are the new seasons; Easter, BBQ, Halloween, and Christmas!

Date posted: 28 Feb 2009

Christmas Commandments

Erk! Christmas is upon us. If you've been looking at the shops recently it might seem that Christmas has been upon us for weeks. Not in this house! I absolutely refuse to even think about Christmas (other than presents for the family if I happen to see something they would like) until December. I have still got significant birthdays to get through before Christmas, Himself, one of my best friends from school and my mother all have birthdays in December - and not early December either! Today we put the Advent Calendar up and at some point in the future we will get the tree and the decorations down from the loft, but the real festive activities won't really start until the end of term.

Thinking about Christmas and end of term and whatnot I remembered my "Christmas Commandments" it is something I wrote ages ago for the entertainment of my students (mainly male late teens to early twenties in age). It is a performance piece and was delivered as such during the end of term "party".

Christmas Commandments

Hear now the word of the boss, let thee take heed, lest by ignorance thou fallest into error and confusion, and embarrassment and dismay come upon thee, and thy loved ones scorn thee. Listen now, and learn, for these are the commandments, handed down even unto the fourth generation, that the wise may profit whilst the foolish perish.

1. Thou shalt not commence the festivities in a state of sobriety. The season is to be celebrated with frivolity and enjoyment. Be of good cheer and celebrate, even though thy heart is heavy, for is it not so that those of glum countenance and miserable demeanour, and those who do nothing but berate those around them are left alone to ponder the error of their ways?

Indulge thyself in the joys of the season, in the sweetmeats and the beverages associated therewith, even that which is brewed and that which is fermented may be enjoyed. Share your indulgence with those that are near thee, lest they become morose and unbalanced and criticise thee. Be generous I say with the distribution and ingestion of beverages, but mix them not. Take not that which is brewed with that which is fermented, not that of the grape with the of the grain. For so it shall come to pass that the dawning of the next day shall become an abomination unto you, thy dog shall become bald, and only darkness and silence will please thee.

2. Thou shalt honour the cooks, and ply them with beverages and brews, but in moderation only, lest they become forgetful of time and technique, and conflagration and disaster ensue.

3. Thou shalt let no morsel of food be left upon thy plate at the conclusion of dinner, for this is an abomination in the eyes of those who have laboured long in the production thereof. Eat it I say, leave no scrap or morsel, not even that which is called the brussel sprout, though thy stomach is uneasy and revolts within thee, for the wages of waste is washing up even unto the Day after Boxing Day.

4. Thou shalt not cast thy nutshells upon the carpet, nor yet the crumbs of mince pies. Avoid all littering of the floor with the festive debris even that which is repellent unto thee, for, without a doubt, it will wait until thy naked foot is upon it, and bite thee.

5. Thou shalt not ingest the silver sixpence from the festive pudding, nor yet the novelty from that which is named a cracker and yet cracks not, lest the local hospital become thy residence, and thy family and loved ones see thee not for many days.

6. Thou shalt not scavenge upon the carcass of the turkey, nor anything else which may be displayed within the house for lack of space within the cooling places. Neither should thou permit thy cat or thy hound to do so. For this is a sin in the eyes of the cook and thou wilt be berated and condemned for such a thing.

7. Thou shalt not deposit the contents of thy digestive tract upon the carpet, nor upon the bedding, nor upon any item which belongs to thee not. Instead thou shalt make haste to the place which is prepared for such things, and then cleanse and anoint thyself in gratitude that thou hast not found disfavour in the eyes of those who share thy dwelling space. Failure to achieve the sanctum is a grievous sin in the eyes of many, and the fault must be rectified, with much washing, and the anointing of the place with strong smelling liquids, even that which is called "Dettol" and the spraying of that which sweetens the air and removes the taint therefrom. Even though thy stomach is in revolt, and thy head falls from thy shoulders thou must clean up after thyself.

8. Be kind to the elderly, and honour them. Even if their gifts please thee not, be generous with thy thanks. Mock not the handworked items, even though they are abhorrent to thee and of a size unfitting your mature state. Give thanks with a glad face and grimace not in dark corners, nor deride these gifts with your companions, lest the givers take offense. For truly it is said that it is better to give than to receive, and even a thought is counted worthy of gratitude and respect. Remember that age and forgetfulness come to all who survive and the passing of the years is heeded not, nor the ages of the offspring of the nieces and nephews. Neither their growth nor their age is remembered. Remember all ye gathered here that there is an abundance always of places where charitable people may dispose of that which is unwanted and unattractive. Hope always that the next festive season will bring the chariot of great speed and impeccable design such that even thine enemies are set at nought and many stand and gaze at thy coming and going, even those with whom thou wouldst wish to find favour.

9. Eat heartily of the cooked meats, and complain not, nor seek to procure alternative sustenance elsewhere lest thou be condemned to the turkey sandwich, even unto the twelfth day after Christmas.

10. Thou shalt not lurk in hope near unto the Mistletoe, lest they whom you dislike come unto thee and embrace thee and cause blushing and stammering to fall upon thee. Even though there are many nearby who find favour in thine eyes, lurk not. Nor shall thee clasp the mistletoe in thy hand nor attach it to thy person or to thine apparel for such shall make thee an object of scorn and derision. Be warned that such devices are unnecessary in a meeting of true hearts and troublesome to those whose desire is for other activity.

Here endeth the lesson. Mark it well and forget it not, that ye may enjoy the fruits of the season and suffer not the dark despair which is called the "hangover", and that thy spirits shall be uplifted and thy soul refreshed and that thee may be better fitted to return to struggle with the delights of the the assessment and the examination.

Date posted: 30 Nov 2008

Ooops, Sorry guys!

I knew I should have kept my mouth shut! See what I mean about being a jinx?

Date posted: 16 Nov 2008

Come on you Spurs!

Oh wow! I'm a Tottenham Hotspur supporter, I have always been one, when you grow up in Tottenham as I did it kind of goes with the territory. It has been, as they say, a season of two halves. In mid-September (before things got really bad) I was discussing Spurs' awful start to the season with my mother, who is also a Spurs supporter. I said "You watch, they won't win anything until about the end of October and then they won't lose for the rest of the season." Don't you just love being right?

Of course it took a new manager to get it sorted out and it's now too late for them to finish top of the Premiership there are just too many points to make up, but things are heading in the right direction.

I just hope I haven't jinxed them by saying that. I'm a jinx in cup matches, which is why I never watch them. I haven't seen Spurs win a cup match since about 1971. Not because I don't want to watch, but because I know that if I do they will lose, so I deliberately avoid watching them. I have been known to switch channels on TV for 30 seconds to check progress only to see them concede a goal. Some risks aren't worth taking. Spurs can lose (as we have seen) without me, but they never seem to win with me unless I'm actually there. Given ticket prices that's not likely to happen very much.

Date posted: 13 Nov 2008

It's a Parent thing

No. 1 son is late home. He has been on a trip to the Schools Prom at the Royal Albert Hall. He told me he was going to be back at school by 11pm. Then this afternoon he phoned and said that he would be dropped off in the town here and not have to go the extra miles to school. That's good. I checked the times, the concert isn't scheduled to end until 10pm. It is now almost midnight and not a word, though they'd be doing well to leave there at 10pm and get back here by now. He's not answering his phone. So of course, being a parent, I'm getting stressed.

Worst case scenario is that some disaster has befallen the Royal Albert Hall and everbody is dead, but we haven't seen the news so we don't know. Next worse case, some disaster has befallen the coach and everybody is dead and the police haven't got to us yet, so we don't know. Next worse case the coach is broken down and they are stranded miles away, or maybe he's fallen asleep and is now at school on his own wondering where we are and can't phone us because his phone battery had run flat or he's lost his phone.

Of course what's really happened, most likely, is that they are actually almost here and he's asleep and somebody will wake him up just in time for him to phone and say "come and collect me". It's what parents are for isn't it, worrying about what might happen to our kids.

Date posted: 10 Nov 2008

On the subject of elites

In Kent the LEA still operates Grammar Schools. I strongly believe that all children have the right to learn and develop in an atmosphere and at a speed that best suits them and their individual needs. I was banging the gong about individual and flexible learning years ago. If all schools could provide the kind of education that met the academic and development needs of all their pupils then the grammar school argument would have died a death years ago. However, most comprehensive schools don't/can't/won't do that. Academically able children get left out of the equation almost every time.

There's an assumption that bright kids can somehow fend for themselves, that they don't need to be specially catered for in the way that children with learning difficulties need to be specially catered for. That's wrong. All children have special needs, but only some children have them met in a comprehensive education system.

Secondary schools round here are just now having open days for they year 7 intake in the next academic year. The same old arguments about grammar schools and whether they are a bad thing or not are being rehashed. The usual tired old thing about "children shouldn't be classed as failures at 11" gets trotted out. Well sorry, but if I, as a parent, gave my child the impression that they were a failure because they didn't pass the 11+ then it's me who is the failure, not my child. The same is true for those teachers and (even worse) Head Teachers who say that - they should be sacked immediately. The thing about the 11+ is that it is supposed to indicate the children who will do well with a fast-paced academic learning style. Just because a child doesn't do well on the test doesn't make that child a failure, it just means that their learning style is different from that. That's all it means, it doesn't mean that they are stupid, it doesn't mean that they aren't a decent person and it certainly doesn't mean that they are a failure.

Part of the issue of course is envy and the assumption (which is demonstrably not true) that Grammar Schools get more money per child than other schools, the majority of them (for various reasons) seem to get less, though their running expenses (like exam entry fees) are often higher. Another part of the issue is that Grammar Schools are perceived as being the preserve of the middle classes. Maybe there are more middle class kids in Grammar schools than working class kids, but I'm darn sure that more working class kids went to University when everybody had Grammar schools than do so now. That's because with a Grammar School the expectation is that every student, regardless of family background, is there on merit and is capable of going to University if they want to.

Mixed-ability teaching is the in thing at the moment. It used to be all about streaming, now it's about mixed ability. Well, as a teacher, how much easier is it to cater to everybody's needs in a class where you have maybe 25% of the academic ability range compared to a class which covers the whole ability range? The weakest students will often have an aide of some sort or special provision to help them cope. The rest of the group will get attention based on how hard they are finding the work. The strugglers will get more attention than the high flyers. Each level of ability will get their own set of tasks and aims but when the pressure is on for grades the aim isn't to get everybody who can up to an A or an A*, but to make sure nobody falls below a C. That's how they measure schools these days, so of course the midrange learners will take precedence so that the school hits its targets.

One thing that nobody seems to take into account is the social effect of having wide ability ranges in a school. If you look at the social arrangement of a school, things like a House system or the appointment of Form and House and School officials from the student body, who is it gets appointed? In a comprehensive system it's the more academically able kids, that's who. The ones who have a bit of spare capacity, who don't have to spend every hour working just to keep up, the ones who can cope with additional demands. How does that make the rest of their class/house/school feel about themselves? Every day they have to face people who are deemed to be "better" than they are, because they hold positions of trust and responsibility. Take the academically able kids out of the school, remove them from daily view and the other students will take on those roles and responsibilities, and they will do them well and it will do wonders for their confidence and self-belief. The important thing is that they get to have the chance.

People are suspicious of Grammar Schools for all sorts of reasons, they hide their reasons under the "Grammar Schools are Elitist" banner because they don't want too many people asking too many awkward questions and actually comparing Grammar and Comprehensive systems. I went to a pretty good comprehensive school, the needs of the most academically able (and I'm not including myself in that group) were not met in that environment, despite the best efforts of the school. We need to encourage academically able learners from all backgrounds because the country, the economy, needs them. We need doctors and lawyers and teachers and researchers and all sorts of academic skills just as much as we need plumbers and carpenters and builders and checkout operators and road sweepers and people with practical skills.

I say this so many times, here and elsewhere, but it bears repeating "there's nothing wrong with elites".

Date posted: 10 Nov 2008

Ick

The weather here's disgusting. Wet, windy and not very warm. The forcasters have been saying that the wind's gusting up to 70mph, so I'm glad I don't have to go out in it today. Even more glad that I'm not teaching today because this kind of weather makes even the most docile child a little bit wild. It's amazing how much children are affected by the weather, even older children who you might expect to be able to deal with it an carry on as normal.

My main gripe now, (apart from the leaky roof) is that my Japanese Maple tree has lost all of its leaves, about 3 days after they finally turned red! Isn't that just the way? Oh well, it could be worse - at least they aren't lying around on our lawn waiting for me to clear them up - I've got somebody else's leaves!

Date posted: 10 Nov 2008

Well, I'm not very popular

No. 1 son wants to have a friend over this weekend for a sleepover. Initially we said he could but today we remembered that next week he has module exams for Maths, Physics, Chemistry and Biology, so we changed our minds. No. 1 son is already tired and needs to get some rest and do some revision. He isn't happy. It's all a plot to make him unhappy and we are treating him like he's an idiot. Shame. Which is more important - a night spent watching old "Dr Who" episodes or sleeping and revising? He didn't seem very impressed when we told him that if he didn't do well in the exams he would be paying for the re-sit himself. The week after next he's got Spanish and French oral exams as well, so it'll be a long time before he has any friends to sleep over. What wicked parents we are!

Date posted: 06 Nov 2008

A second election thought

What would Martin Luther King make of Barack Obama's success? Would he feel he was judged on the colour of his skin, or on the content of his character?

Date posted: 05 Nov 2008

Welcome the new President?

Oh dear. Congratulations to Senator Obama, or maybe I should say Senator Obama's original backers (whoever they might be - nobody seems to know who they are). Everyody's talking about change and things changing in America. How would that be? They elected Obama not despite his colour but because of it, which I suppose is something (I understand that Obama polled something like 90% of the black vote and a lot of those were first time voters so they registered just so they could vote for Obama) but the majority of Americans (the female 50%+) are still unrepresented in the White House. Somebody on the TV this morning was saying that it's a clear signal to young people that they too can grow up to be President. Not if they are female they can't.

A lot of my American friends are celebrating this result. I don't think they have anything to celebrate. I don't think any of us have anything to celebrate. Except the Wall Street types who seem to think that Obama will be a push-over and they can get back to their sneaky racketeering ways - hence the rise in the FTSE, Dow Jones etc. Except maybe the Russians, who have got an inexperienced adversary in the White House, instead of somebody who probably has at least half a clue what he's up against. Except Al Qaeda who will be getting away with goodness knows what because Obama's committed to re-defining what "job done" in Iraq means.

Senator McCain apologised for losing the election and said it was his fault. It wasn't his fault. It's the current incumbent of the White House's fault the election went to the Democrats. It probably would have done anyway just because of Bush rather than for any merit the candidates may or may not have had. People are likening the election win to the Kennedy years. I think they are deluding themselves. Kennedy might have been good but he wasn't that good, what he had was potential. What Obama has is potential. Let's hope his Presidency doesn't end the same way as Kennedy's.

Date posted: 05 Nov 2008

The politics of envy

There's a debate on about whether people who have diseases for which the NHS can't/won't fund drugs that might cure them or at least prolong their life should be allowed to pay for medications not available on the NHS and continue to get NHS treatment for their illness.

The government has, until recently, decided that they shouldn't and that if you pay for medication not provided on the NHS then you should have to pay for all of your treatment from then on. Now they have announced a review and plans to allow people to pay for the medication - if they pay for the costs associated with any extra facilities that then need to be made available (scans and such like).

This morning on the news they had a woman from the Unison trade union saying that top-ups shouldn't be allowed because it disadvantaged "poorer people" Who cares? I don't. I think I count as "poorer people" in this situation. When some drugs can cost as much as £3,000 per treatment I won't be paying for them (though of course I hope never to be in a situation where this might be necessary). That doesn't mean that I don't want other people to have them. If they can afford to do that and it's going to help them, then good luck to them, I don't have a problem with that. Clearly some people do. It's envy.

Yesterday on my way to work I followed along behind an Aston Martin DB9 with personal plates. Nice car. I wouldn't mind one of those (though I doubt they are very practical for going to the supermarket for the weekly shop). I can't afford one. I drive a Ford. It's fine, does what I want it to do, gets me from A to B reliably. I don't want to stop other people owning fancy cars, but that's essentially what the anti- self payment people are saying. "I can't afford it, so you shouldn't be allowed to have it either".

Date posted: 04 Nov 2008

A Nation of Cowards

Well, that's what it seems we have turned into in the UK. We just let governments and "authorities" walk all over us and do nothing and say nothing. There's a point where being patient and tolerant turns into being trampled all over by anybody who wants to because we are too gutless to stick our necks out stand up and shout "This is WRONG! STOP IT NOW!".

Well, I've just about had enough of all sorts of things so I'm starting a campaign. I'm saying "Enough is Enough" because too many people in too many places are buggering about with my country, with my language, with my culture. I've had enough. I may be a lone voice crying in the wilderness but I'm going to start shouting anyway.

As a start I am complaining about:

1. Local Councils using anti-terrorism laws to spy on people's rubbish. I'm also complaining about the people who get accused of littering (even though they didn't do it) who don't put up a fight but just pay the fine. How dare they?! If they didn't leave their rubbish where the council says then they have no business paying the fine. Have they lost their senses? Have they no guts? Unless the council can prove that they left their rubbish in the wrong place at the wrong time then the council can take their fine and their spying, sneaking activities and shove them somewhere it hurts. What ever happened to "innocent until proven guilty"? If enough people stood up to the council and said "I didn't do it, if you want money sue me" the councils would soon stop being so stupid, because they can't afford to take lots of people to court. I pay the council's wages so I want to know how come they can waste so much time on hounding people over rubbish when there are pavements that need mending, all the public toilets are closed, and people who need a home help but can't get one. In the meantime, lets amend the legislation to stop the councils snooping.
2. People who want me to change my religion to theirs. Any people who want to change my religion to theirs, regardless of what their religion is. If their religion faith was so fantastic, so right, then everybody would follow it anyway. Except of course that's not going to happen. We have to remember that most religions are interpreted and defined by men. Holy books aren't the "Word of God" but some man's interpretation or translation of what he thinks the "Word of God" ought to be. When I say "man" that's what I mean, men. This is one situation when men means men and not humankind. I don't care what methods the would-be converters use, whether dropping leaflets through my letter box or trying to blow me up, I'm not converting. In any case, a "religion" which seeks to convert people, or promote its message by using violence isn't a religion but a gang and I want no part of it.
3. People who keep mucking about with my language and telling me I what words I can and can't say and when I can and (especially) can't say them. Blow that for a game of soldiers. I realise that some words in some context might be offensive to some people. That's OK you don't say them because it's rude, like wishing Jewish people a "Happy Easter". Unless of course you really want to upset somebody. But the latest thing is that we aren't allowed to use certain Latin abbreviations and phrases because they are "elitist" and people don't understand them. Now that's what I call patronising offensive rubbish. I work part of the week with kids aged between 14 and 16 who are classed as "low achievers". They are not academically the brightest buttons in the box though they are lovely people. Those kids use Latin abbreviations and phrases all the time! How is me telling them they are too stupid to use them going to help their self esteem? Help them develop their language skills? Help them get to grips with their culture? I would never dream of saying to anybody that they shouldn't participate fully in the linguistic culture that makes up one of the richest languages on the planet. My students understand what e.g. means, they know the difference between that and i.e. they use etc. on a regular basis. They know what NB means. They possibly don't know they are using Latin, but if they understand and use it then so can anybody. Some of the students have English as a second language - maybe I should only simplify my use of language for them. But surely that's racist? In the meantime the dumbing down brigade are getting it all their own way.
4. People who think that elites and elitism are "wrong". If elites are wrong we don't need BBC Sports Personality of the Year to celebrate the achievement of the sporting elite of this country. After all, any idiot can drive Lewis Hamilton's car, maybe instead of Paula Radcliffe in the 2012 Olympics I'll have a go. How about that for an idea? We can recruit the England Soccer team from the local park a couple of days before the next World Cup qualifying match and everything will be fine because quite clearly everybody has to be treated as if they were equal. Listen, listen very, very, carefully, everybody is not equal and they aren't supposed to be. I thought we were supposed to encourage and promote diversity, clearly not in this case. By lowering our expectations and standards we aren't making more people feel included, we are making the average level of attainment lower; the midpoint is going down, not up. People have nothing to aspire to apart from getting as much money as possible for the least possible effort. Forget training for a job and working hard to achieve something that you can be proud of, just go on some reality TV show and get lots of money for being a talentless layabout.
5. People who are so terrified of discriminating against some imagined minority that they discriminate against everybody else. Somebody suggested to me that lining children up in a classroom alternating boys and girls somehow infringes their "human rights". Their what? I can't even begin to imagine what that's all about. Lining kids up, in any order, is certainly a matter of human rights; the teacher's human right to be allowed to do their job, control their class and impose some order and discipline so that all the pupils can learn and develop and grow to their full potential. It affects the human rights of every pupil in the class, who must be allowed to grow and develop and learn without the threat of disruption. Under some circumstances it may be necessary to line kids up in a certain order, under all circumstances it is necessary for a teacher to have control of the class. I suppose what they ought to do is just say "off you go" and let the kids sort themselves out. Oh but of course that would infringe the human rights of the little kid who gets trampled in the rush to the door, or the slower kid who is still putting their things away when everybody else has gone, or the biggest kid who is always out or the room first because they won't have the opportunity to experience what it's like to be last.

In a minute I have to go and do something housetrained and domestic that doesn't infringe anybody else's human rights and isn't elitist (unless owning plates is somehow elitist) but the washing up must be done. I haven't finished ranting as yet. There's lots more, but in fact, what really, really gets me mad isn't the nutcases who come up with these stupid ideas, it's all the people who are too scared (or too lazy) to stand up and say "enough is enough". It's time somebody started fighting back. I'm fighting back. Watch this space.

Date posted: 03 Nov 2008

Life goes on

I was at my cousin Lizzie's funeral yesterday. Not a bad day, as things go. Since my cousin died I have been thinking back remembering some of the things we did as children. I can remember her right back to when I was about 4 years old. They came to visit and I remember being quite fed up because I was sent to bed and she wasn't. When I was a bit older we used to go to Southend, where my aunt and uncle lived, on the bus. Simple trip since the bus passed the end of our road and went all the way to Southend and no changes. It was a relatively cheap day out at the seaside I suppose. Another time we went as a family to visit and my uncle took us all out for a walk somewhere, no idea where, but there were fields and fields of peas and we walked for what seemed like miles, munching on freshly picked peas as we went. That was a good day. I remember Lizzie and Sue were there then. Later on we used to see something of Pete, Lizzie's older brother, and his family but Lizzie was married and busy with her own family then. That's the way it goes. Somehow the world seems a different, slightly worse, place today than it did before Lizzie left it. There's a difference between "we will get together sometime soon"and knowing that chance of that has gone forever.

I have included a link in the side bar to what we refer to as "Lizzie's charity" Lizzie was a very positive life force, and the people whose lives she touched are the better for it, no doubt about that. Her life wasn't what you would conventionally call "easy" but she lived it and she lived it well. The injuries she received in her accident in 1993 probably contributed to her untimely death, but she herself said she wouldn't go back. Lizzie was a great believer in moving on, and she certainly did that. Of course she left a lot of people saddened by her passing; a lot of people rocked back on their heels and wishing they had said or done something before, while they still had the chance. Lots of people loved her, lots of people admired her and she will never be replaced, but her legacy lives on in the work she did and in her family, partner children and grandchildren. Talking to one of her sons yesterday I could see Lizzie in him, not in looks but in attitude. That's the bit of Lizzie that will go on through the generations and out into the wider world through TBPI and the people who support her work in that. Our loss is the world's loss, but we have all gained by knowing Lizzie.

So, if you thinking that you should phone, or arrange to meet, or write to somebody you haven't seen for ages do it now. You never know. Do it in tribute to a lovely lady, and because you can, because it's not, now, too late but tomorrow it might be.

Date posted: 24 Oct 2008

Families - all different

I had a phone call from my mother tonight. That in itself is odd, so as soon as I heard her voice I knew it wasn't good news. She seldom phones us and never at mealtimes unless it's an emergency. That's not to say that we never talk on the phone I phone her practically every night at around her bedtime.

What Mum wanted was to ask if I had a phone number for one of my cousins. His sister died yesterday and his other sister was trying to get in touch with him and didn't have his phone number. While I'm sad at the loss of my cousin, I can't say we were very close. It's a shock of course, she wasn't much older than me, maybe 5 years or so, but but we haven't seen each other apart from weddings and funerals since we were children. What does depress me is that my cousins, brother and sisters, didn't keep in better touch with each other and didn't manage to get along better. I can't imagine not having contact with my sister. We don't see each other very often since we live at opposite ends of England (I'm in the south-east and she's in the north-west) but we keep in touch by email and phone and we get together when we can. I guess that's just how we are.

You hear stories of extended families who still all live in the same street or district and who see each other every day. Our extended family isn't like that any more, it has scattered. We started off all living in the same area of North London and now none of us lives there. Quite a few in Hertfordshire and East Anglia, but now also in Sussex, Hampshire, Cornwall, Lincolnshire, Staffordshire, Lancashire, Spain, Ireland and Australia. I somehow doubt we are much different from any other 20th century family really, but gone are the days when we could walk from our house to visit our grandparents or any of our aunts and uncles.

So while I am sorry about the loss of my cousin, I suppose what I am mourning is the loss of that extended family and how easy it is for people become estranged from each other.

Date posted: 17 Oct 2008

And finally....

I finally managed to vote for somebody who got elected (see previous post). I checked the results of the election and there it was, the person I voted for actually won. That's good. Different too!

Date posted: 17 Oct 2008

Penalised for being unlucky?

A sad story on our local news last night about a couple whose daughter was killed in a car crash. Apparently she and her sister were in a car being driven by a friend when he lost control and hit a wall. One daughter was seriously injured but the other was killed. A complete disaster for the whole family. The driver of the car was sentenced yesterday. Clearly the parents of the girl wanted some severe penalty for the driver. They didn't get it. A good thing too.

As far as I can make out it was a simple accident. He misjudged the road, misjudged how wet it was and lost control on a bend. He was unlucky. His passengers were really unlucky, but he didn't actually do much wrong. It could easily have been any one of us. A moment's inattention and bang! The driver might have been talking to his passengers and had his attention distracted, he might have sneezed, he might have been pushing things a bit to show off to his passengers, who can really tell? It doesn't appear that he was drunk or drugged, he just made a simple mistake. Who hasn't?

I sympathise with the family of the girls involved but saying he got off lightly is a nonsense. The driver was punished for what he did wrong. He didn't do much wrong so he didn't deserve a harsh punishment. There's no suggestion that the driver intended to cause harm to anybody. I'm sure that if the police had been able to charge him with anything more than careless driving they would have. The consequences of his error are dreadful but it was still only a small error.

The driver's lucky that he had his accident before this new law came out. Apparently there's a new offence of causing death by careless driving. Huh? So you aren't being punished any more for what you did (or didn't) do, but you can now be punished for being unlucky.

Imagine the situation. Driver A is driving along maybe 5mph above a sensible speed for the road, doesn't know the road well, misjudges a bend and crashes into a wall. Now if that's all that happens then the driver gets busted for careless driving and that's it The driver might get a few penalty points, a hefty fine, and will no doubt have to pay more insurance. Now, suppose there's somebody standing by that wall and they get killed when the car hits it? The police will then have to charge the driver with a more serious offence simply because somebody else was standing in the wrong place. Unlucky. Obviously unlucky for the person who got squished but also unlucky for the driver, who still hasn't done much wrong. The cause of the accident was exactly the same, even though the effects were much more serious. Given the more serious effects then we are probably talking about losing licences, more fines, possibly a prison sentence. It makes no sense to have different punishments for the same mistake depending on the effect it has.

We have all made silly mistakes and for most of us, most of the time, we get away with it. For example, suppose a parent leaves a stair gate not latched properly. It's a simple mistake. If the child who might get through it doesn't go that way before the mistake is discovered then that's fine. If the child happens to go through that way and falls downstairs then it's a serious matter, possibly tragic, but the basic error is exactly the same regardless of the consequences. In one case it's all forgotten about within a couple of hours (apart from the mental note to check more carefully next time) in the other it will never be forgotten and probably never forgiven either.

We cannot punish people more severely just because the effect of what they have done is serious. The punishment must fit the crime, not the effects of the crime.

Date posted: 16 Oct 2008

Happy Returns

No. 2 son has been away on a school trip this week. Him and almost all of his year at school. They have been in France, not very far from Calais but still quite a distance. He had a fantastic time, which we knew he would if he managed not to kill himself. No. 2 son is diabetic and this was the first time he's been completely responsible for all his own medication (well almost completely responsible his head of year and form tutor both went on the trip and nagged him). He did very well and came home in one piece, though I'm not sure how the three other boys he was sharing with coped with having him around all the time.

When he left he was wearing a grey t-shirt under a red and grey stripy jumper and a pair of navy blue jogging bottoms. When he came back he was wearing the same jogging bottoms (now navy blue and mud coloured), the same jumper and a blue t-shirt. When he unpacked his bag I noticed that he seems to have changed his socks and his underpants at least twice but only 1 of the t-shirts he took with him was dirty (if you discount the one he was wearing when he left, which apparently became his pajama top). Whatever, the whole lot are now in the washing machine.

They did lots of interesting and fun things on the trip. I phoned him or he phoned me every night. The conversation on his last night went as follows:

Me: Hello

Him: Hello. What did you want?

Me: Just checking that you are OK.

Him: I'm OK

Me: That's fine then. Good night.

Him: Good night

End of conversation. Of course since he got home he's hardly stopped talking, but is now heading for bed as it's already past his bedtime of 9pm. No. 2 son came back a changed boy, in a nice way. he seems a bit more mature, a bit more grown up. He's certainly more confident and a bit more independent. That's good.

I have to give a huge vote of thanks to all the staff who went on the trip. I certainly wouldn't want to spend a whole week surrounded by 120 12 year old boys. But they managed it and came back looking remarkably serene. It made me think though. We just entrusted our son's life to people we hardly know because we trust them. We trust them because they are teachers. We wouldn't do that with any other group of people.

We had several lots of "second thoughts" about the whole trip but we don't want to make him different because of the diabetes and his brother did pretty much the same trip when he was in year 8 so we couldn't not let him go. Just a week or so before No. 2 son left I had a conversation with a friend (who didn't at that time know about the trip). She claims that she has never let her 12 year old son go more than an hour's travelling time away from her. Never. She worries about him, she worries that something might happen. He's at no more risk of something happening to him 2 hours or 3 hours away than he is standing right beside her. He could step out of his front gate and get hit by a lorry. They live in America so he could get shot while he's at school. It happens. What we can't do is let our fears (can we say paranoia?) get in the way of our children's development into sensible self-reliant adults. If they are never exposed to any risks they never learn to assess risk, they never learn to respond sensibly to risky situations. My friend's child, as far as I can tell, is a sensible boy. He's not an idiot but he needs to broaden his experience. My friend probably thinks I'm mad to let any child of mine go so far away from home. I think she's mad not to give him as many opportunities and experiences as possible, even if it means him being a long way from home.

Date posted: 10 Oct 2008

A Time to vote and a time not to vote

We have a local by-election going on tonight to elect a representative on the County Council. I voted. I always vote. Trouble is I didn't know who to vote for. Only two election campaign leaflets have dropped through our door this time round. One was the Conservatives and one was the BNP. No way on this planet I am going to vote for the BNP, not in this life nor any other. That left me with a choice of one. Actually the choice was, to vote or not to vote? I almost didn't.

It wasn't until I saw my polling card yesterday that I even remembered that there was an election today there's been so little fuss about it anywhere. I haven't seen a single poster, placard, or rosette and nobody has thought my vote was important enough to bother canvassing for it. Like Mum always used to say "if you don't ask you don't get" nobody asked so nobody got (almost).

In the end I did go and vote, I voted for a Conservative for the first time in rather more years than I want to think about. The last time I voted Conservative was in 1979. It was also the only time I voted in an election and my candidate actually won. At the back of my mind though, as well as the issue of people asking for my vote was the thought that whoever won would probably have to resign their seat on the local city council due to conflict of interest, so we might actually get a better one. So the candidate I voted for was the one I most wanted to get rid of.

Date posted: 09 Oct 2008

The Dreaded Lurgy Strikes

It's that time of year again. The cold germs are going mad and everybody is getting them. They laid waste to our family last week. We shared between us a particularly vicious virus that made everybody miss at least one day off work/school. Nasty. Luckily we are all getting back to normal now. Even more luckily for me the worst days I had were at the weekend, if they had happened during the week I would have had to miss work and if I don't work I don't get paid. Not that I am getting paid at the moment. The bozo organisation for whom I do a lot of supply work hasn't organised itself well enough to actually pay me for the work I did for them in September. If I hadn't been working for them then I would no doubt have been working elsewhere and they would have paid me. Surprising though it may seem there are some supply teaching agencies who not only find me work (I found my current contract myself) but also pay me for it. Now that kind of arrangement I can live with. Not getting paid stinks!

Date posted: 06 Oct 2008

I wonder

If it had been "Southern Rock" and the "Brighton and Bournemouth Building Society" in financial hot water, would the Government have been quite so quick to step in and nationalise? I also wonder how many shares The Bradford and Bingley Board of Directors held when it went under and when/if they unloaded them.

Date posted: 28 Sep 2008